Museum Duty

Since last summer I have been doing volunteer work at a museum in my town. This museum is large and remarkable in its contents, and receives hundreds (and sometimes thousands) of visitors every day. It has an impressive number of volunteers, mostly men and almost all retirees, and some are in their late '80's and early '90's. I work at the information desk in the mornings twice a week on the average.

I enjoy the duty at the information desk because I get to greet incoming visitors of all types, races, nationalities, genders (only 2), socio-economic levels, and young beautiful women with long legs and impressive chests. I guess you could call me a "people person" because I truly love to interact eloquently with those who stand before us at the information desk, such as:
"Welcome to the museum."
"Where are you from?" I am required to use incorrect grammar sometimes.
"The restrooms are around the corner over there."
"I'm sorry, you can't bring that bottle of water in the museum."
"DON'T RUN!!"
"No, no one has turned in a blue cellphone. Where did you lose it? Did you go back there and look?"

After a few weeks of this, I had picked up a few phrases from other volunteers, such as:
"Yes, you can take pictures, but just don't take them off the walls."
and, said to an obvious well married couple,
"Is this the first visit here for you and your daughter?"
Both statements must be made with an absolutely straight face.
My only fear, and it is real, is that the recipients of my hilarity will return to the desk later, and, not remembering who they are, I will repeat the same joke. I know all stand ups share this very real concern. I recall an occasion of 25 years ago attending a Phyllis Diller performance at a local Holiday Inn, when, after a very funny hour show, after an intermission, we listened in stony silence to Ms. Diller telling the very same jokes told in the 1st show. She had assumed we would be a different audience.

Now, to address the subject of "long legs and impressive chests". I'm sure that I, like most males over a certain age (I'm mid 60's), can appreciate dispassionately younger females, especially like those described above, as beautiful images of God's creation. Well, I thought so...until I heard volunteer Henry (age 95) espress his opinion in this regard: "Holy Shit !! Check out them hooters !!"